Angela's Influence

i blow brains; cobain

3 notes

For Landon.

When your best friend dies
Do not blame the freeway
She has always been an open road
Waiting for some unsuspecting boy
To trip on her lines
See, she is not the problem
Her inability to forgive
And take whenever she wants
Is the only thing she knows
To you, he was the world
But to her,
He was just another body

When your best friend dies
Do not grow jealous of the car
How it was the last thing holding him
The last thing he danced with
Do not be upset at the car
For it was the last thing holding him
Your precious boy
How it couldn’t find the grip
To keep him from flying out of its ribcage
Do not blame every moving car
That resembles the failure that lost your pal

Do not blame the driver
Understand that she is both mourning
And burying guilt
One of which isn’t even hers to bear
Do not think she has moved on
Like she doesn’t remember
Do not think her friends are helping her forget
Do not believe that her scars are any more real than yours
Because hers are on skin
Do not fold yourself inside of her body
Trying to think of how you could have done it better
That is not yours to bear

When your best friend dies
Do not blame him for dying
We do not get to choose how we go
Let alone do we get the choice of staying
When it is time
I’m sure our departure is its own form of consent
Do not blame him for not coming back
Do not blame the other passengers for coming back
Do not blame
And blame
And blame
Until it feels like normal conversation
Do not curse the drive home
Do not feel guilty for arriving every time
Do not feel guilty for surviving what he did not

When your best friend dies
Cry
Laugh
Remember
Listen to the songs you loved
Watch the movies he loved
Love the people he loved
Even when they hurt you
Love them anyway
Because they, too, loved a dying boy once
And they remember him
In ways you never could
Be okay
And live

Filed under poem poetry prose late night writing unedited love mourning rest in peace I love you Landon